I am fairly confident guy. I feel that if I put my mind to something, I can do it, and do it pretty well. I think that given the right information, I can beat anyone in a fair game -- and can make a dent in an unfair one.
I don't think I am overly cocky. I am just... well...
confident.
You need that growing up with male siblings, or to man the pipes in a football game, or to deal with coaching teenage ladies. Heck, being a married father. Confidence is the key. There are things that I am pretty awesome at (like making fun of people or making a mean, mean pot of boxed Jambalaya), but I don't want to brag. I like being confident.
To be honest, sometimes it's more about
projecting confidence. It's about making people believe that even though you don't know what to do, you have the presence to figure out how to get it done in the long run. It's not about giving an answer, regardless of accuracy; it's about making sure everyone understands that when you
do answer, you are giving the right one.
My bubbling projections generally squawk out the door in one area. It isn't just any area either; it calls into question whether or not Clint was right to revoke my Man Card for admitting that I like
The Sound of Music.
I am not particularly handy. Home improvement is my personal Kilimanjaro.
I mean, I can do most simple things with the right tools and the right instructions. I still don't mean to brag, but I am a
fantastic Googler, too. I know how to plunge a toilet, use drain cleaner and I am especially proficient at switching light bulbs. It's the other stuff that gets me. If it is electrical or mechanical in nature, competence is out the door, and I am reduced to an inconsolable puddle of tears. Manly tears.
My son is no help. While watching me re-arrange the pristine tools in my tool box, he innocently (yeah, okay) asked if my tools were so
new. Yeah. Well, he's banned from playing Wii for the foreseeable future. Such cheekiness is not allowed here. Who's new now?
Anyhoo, the saga that was created by the fluorescent bulbs in he kitchen is an excellent illustration of my home improvement frailties. Both lights went out. Easy. I pulled the bulbs out, and went and got the exact replacement.
They didn't work. It ridiculous what these jokers will sell nowadays. They had CLEARLY sold me non-functioning equipment. I went back and got another 2-pack. And another.
Same issue. Uh oh. We were approaching crying territory. I consulted Google, and took the fixture apart. With the use of Google Search and Google Goggles, I guessed that it was some mysterious, alien object called a ballast. I promptly ordered one.
I asked around. It seemed the majority of people I talked to (well, one of seven) knew someone who had been maimed changing a ballast. Considering the fact that I already had a healthy, uh, fear of electricity, the odds looked horrible to me. I decided to cut power to the house.
Try to keep up with me here. The circuit box was outside. The key to the lock was missing. I had to go buy bolt cutters. A giant spider was guarding the box. I did not want to become Spider man or a spider meal, so I went to buy Spider killer. Then it rained. Then I lost my altimeter. In all, it was about nine months, give or take an hour, since the bulbs went out.
And I was still scared of electricity.
I know what you are thinking: Angel Gabriel had visited Mary, and the barn animals had observed the Holy Birth in the time this joker was taking to switch a light bulb. Wow. To my wife's credit, she had become used to cooking in semi-darkness. I adore that lady, sturdy eyes and all. But wait... there's more.
My journey of shame ended (or re-started, depending on your perspective) last week, when my father-in-law and brother-in-law switched out the ballast within five minutes. To make myself feel better, I pointed out to the kids that Uncle Ty did have a degree in Electrical Engineering, so the cheering was a bit overdone.
I did learn a few things. First, electric companies need better customer service. It is NOT unreasonable for me to have wanted them to cut off power to our entire subdivision. Also, children like light. It's sad that they considered a light as an early Christmas present.
But most importantly, unreasonable fear is mostly borne out of a lack of knowledge. And Google does not always trump real-world experience.
As for us, we are enjoying our light bulbs. Directly too, as I broke the cover doing re-installation. I have a year to get those fixed, so mind your business. Ha.