Black in White

Believe it or not, I truly try to avoid being irreverent. Some topics are harder than others, so, in advance, I make my apologies.

I have been working on an in-depth article that discusses diversity in the church, with specific attention given to church leadership. Basically, I am wondering aloud: is diversity a problem? What do we do about it? Should we approach diversity like the NFL currently does? Should concern for diversity trump other concerns like compatibility? Or, should the church (and it's leadership) strive to reflect demographics no matter what?

Not as easy as it would appear at first blush.

In any case, I found out that I am far from an anomaly when it comes to being a minority person that goes to a predominantly white church. I have decided, out of the goodness of my heart, to post a primer on how to deal with the phenomenon. As a black guy, how do you act in a white church? How should you dress? How do you dance to the praise music?

Here is an opportunity to revel in the stereotypes...

Please heed my advice; I only do this for the collective good.

1) The entry/welcome: The way you act is key here. Most likely, the welcome and smiles will be effusive and continual. You will even get hugged. Enjoy in it, smile, shake hands. But don't smile too hard, and resist the urge to do "urban" handshakes and give daps. Do NOT do a fist bump. The most recent elections show this is far from mainstream, and it is easily misconstrued. The last thing you want is to be thrown out for making obscene gestures.

2) Praise and Worship (pt 1): You need to understand one thing. Nobody, not even Christians, like a show-off. Well, unless the person is really filled with the Spirit. Anyway, your job is to be accepted. This won't happen if you show people up by dancing or clapping to the beat. What are you trying to accomplish? It will be drowned out anyway. In fact, scratch the dancing. That too, can be misconstrued. Just raise your hands to the sky and sway ever so gently. Bingo! There is nothing less-threatening than that. Hum quietly to seal the victory.

3) Sermon/Message: Please, please, please... if you ignore everything else, do not ignore this! This is not the time to yell "Amen" or shout "Hallelujah" at random moments of abandon. Slight exception: if everyone is wearing suits and/or there is a banner that says PENTECOSTAL at the front of the church. If they are there, then yes, treat it as a black church (the caps are meaningful; if the banner writing is not in all-caps, it is best to play it safe). You might want to just sit and shut up for the first visit. Just observe. Next service will give you an opportunity to let loose (if allowed).

4) Offering (pt 1): No, there most likely will not be an opportunity to grab the "$1000 offering staff" and run around the congregation in "celebration" on that first day. In fact, in the off chance that there is, don't grab it. Nothing is scarier than a black man running around with a stick. Adjust your offering accordingly.

5) Offering (pt 2): It is not a typo... the offering envelope does not have 30 categories. No, they did not give you a stunted envelope because you're different. Do NOT create your own boxes on the envelope!

6) There is no law saying the pastor cannot have frosted blonde hair, a t-shirt and beach shorts or tatoos down both arms. You are not allowed to make a comment on the comment sheet saying that the pastor's flip-flops did not match his iPhone case. It is poor taste to stare. In the same vein, you can wear sneakers to church. However, do not come to the next service with frosted hair. There is no nice way to say this: you'll look crazy. And you'll destroy whatever goodwill you created the week before.

7) No one pulled the fire alarm. It is not break time. Service is indeed over. While I know that anything less than six hours may not feel like service do you, you need to get used to gettin' in and out. Seriously. 10 AM means 10 AM; no need to skim time with orchestrated late arrivals.

8) Exit: See number one. You also should be able to hold an intelligent conversation in the lobby area. Find a sport with absolutely no minority participation, like curling.

9) First visits under special circumstances: If you visit in February, don't get miffed because you don't see pictures of MLK or specially created faux statues of Adam and Eve with ebony skin and dried fig leaves. In December, don't get frustrated because the nativity scene is not ethnically correct. You cannot base your perception on people's salvation on their relative awareness of Black History Month. Since we're here, I might as well point out that it is never a good idea to wear a shirt emblazoned with X. You wanna blend in, don't you?

10) If you do visit during BHM and a video clip that inadvertently highlights a fact that you've known since infancy is shown, act just as surprised as the general congregation.

Coming up soon: White in Black.

Image courtesy of Dan Weingarten via ReelWorship.

Disclaimer: this entire article was written with tongue firmly placed in cheek.