Internet bullies.

Welcome to the internet age, self.

Yesterday, as further proof of my burgeoning status on the web (look, just humor me, okay?), I ran into my first internet bully. I had no idea that the person would be close to me.

You see, I am married to her.

My wife, for reasons unknown to me, decided that I was long overdue for a haircut. Now in all honesty, she did have a point. I was beginning to look like a blaxploitation era villain, or, more charitably, an exotic UFC athlete.

In any case, I am not one to be cowed. Being the first of several siblings, I am the consummate alpha male. Nobody tells me what to do. I wear the pants around here. Besides, I was convinced that I looked good. Still.

So, I resisted. I admit, not in an alpha male kinda way. And then, she took it there.

She threatened to blog about me.

Are you kidding me? This is what the internet is doing to our marriage? A God-fearing, quiet man such as myself is now held to ransom by the web-whims of his unspeakably mean wife?

The bottom line is that I am supposed to love my wife the same way Christ loved the church. And that is the primary reason why I was up early and I spent the day twittering and reading airline magazines at the barbershop.

I dare any of you guys to cast the first stone!

Sent via my BlackBerry.