The good, the bad and the insane.

Innovation is the name of the game at church nowadays.

You have to have an angle, something that pumps up the crowd, and no only keeps the congregants coming, but encourages them to invite friends and family to come see.

Some ideas are worse than others, and so I have taken it upon myself to write an abbreviated guide to help churches figure out a few ideas to roll with, and a few too discard. I have four (4) grades:

• Winner! (This is cool, everfresh and can't be faded).
• Good (worth trying, but look left, right and left again before implementing).
• Fail! (I wouldn't do it, unless I was trying out for a dysfunctional reality show.)
• The Benny (dedicated to my good friend Tee; this is "Fail to the nth power" {where n equals infinity}. I have taken the liberty to use a graphical illustration to denote The Benny).
  

1) Donuts and coffee
Grade: Good.
Reason: 10 years a go, you could build mega churches on this alone. Now, it is almost expected. With proper fellowship, it is effective. Do not try to save money by going for saltines and sweet tea.


2) Online resourcing
Grade: Winner!
Reason: Uh, Duh... meet the needs of the people in the prevalent medium. No-brainer. Website, Twitter account, FaceBook page... whatever. If there is a void, fill it.


3) Social Networking
Grade: Winner!
Reason: see above, my friend; see above.

4) Fundraising car washes with teens in bikinis

Grade: The Benny
Reason: the image says it all. Fail, fail, FAIL!!! I wish I had a coat big enough to beat you all with simultaneously. What were you thinking? Why? It's a church fundraiser, not a casting call for Baywatch.

When your programming starts to require parental advisory labels, it's time to step back and reevaluate your goals.



5) Civil War reenactments
Grade: Fail!
Reason: C'mon. Do you really have to ask? C'mon. Some cultural experiences are best left outside the church. What next, a stage reenactment of The Alamo or The Battle of The Bulge (the musical)? Just stop. C'mon.


6) Hospital/Infirm Ministry
Grade: Winner!
Reason: This one gets the overlooked award. Nothing screams "caring" more than pastoral staff and/or congregants willing to fellowship with folks in hospital or at home. Hospitals are sterile and cold; visitations provide warmth. Old school? Our Lord spent more than a little time with the sick and infirm. Let's copy that.


7) Church Stickers and bumper magnets.
Grade: Good.
Reason: I like it, but tread carefully, friends. We have all heard of the pastor who was cut off in traffic by a car he didn't recognize (but which had his church's big, glossy sticker on the bumper). When the pastor blasted his horn (actually being more friendly than confrontational), he was answered with three upraised middle fingers, from the driver's side, passenger and a rear windows. All together.

The pastor pulled close at the next light and was astonished by the glare he got from one of the church deacons, the deacon's wife and son. The glare turned into a look of meek shame, of course.

While it makes for a great opportunity to reshuffle your deacon board, one fundamental truth stands out: if you live by the sticker/magnet, you (or more accurately, your church's reputation) can die by the sticker/magnet. Overall church health first, frills later.


8) The special "offering staff" relay.
Grade: The Benny

Reason: Call me stuffy, but giving each family that makes $1000 offerings a special, faux-bling-encrusted staff to run around the church on Sunday makes me uncomfortable. Granted, I do admit to wondering how it would feel, since, as the eldest son, it would have been my right to run the staff on my family's behalf.

No, I am not making this up.

I need a coat...


9) Bibles. No... really... physical Bibles.
Grade: Winner!
Reason: Wanna know what the most important thing a new disciple needs? Same thing that a tenured, seasoned Christ-follower needs: a bible. Yes, I myself am a huge proponent of electronic resources, but sometimes, nothing is more reassuring than an old-fashioned, tried and true physical bible. Have some available. In the sanctuary. In the dining area. In the vestibule.